Barrington Times (Barrington, RI)

Single parents find life's easier together

By Stephen Martino
Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Jennifer Harlow, Judy Swanson and Heathern King-Silva (from left to right) find support and strength among friends.

WARREN - Many people take a Friday night out on the town for granted, but for some single parents, a night out is just a fleeting thought as they busily fulfill the needs of their hectic schedules. This is the reality for Judy Swanson, a single mother living in Warren.

"People will say to you, like they are judging you, they'll say, 'You haven't been out in 10 years?' It's like they give you a hard time, instead of saying, 'Hey, you survived for 10 years,' " Ms. Swanson said.

She eventually grew tired of the routine and the frustration and did something about it. More than a year ago, Ms. Swanson, a Coast Guard retiree and current marine licenser, created a meet-up group for single parents. She named her creation the East Bay Single Parents Meet-Up Group — formed to address what she feels is a complete lack of support services for single parents.

"There is nothing out there. I've traveled a lot, especially with the Coast Guard, and there is nothing out there like this," said Ms. Swanson in a recent interview during a group meeting at her home. On that particular night, Ms. Swanson and two other single mothers gathered to talk about, among other things, the single life.

Four's company

Since the group's founding in October of last year, the club has grown from one member to four. The group meets not only as a support service to its members, but also as a meeting ground for their children. Parents are encouraged to bring their children along to meetings, where they can interact and "do what kids do," as member Jennifer Harlow said.

Ms. Harlow, also a single parent living in Warren, briefly described a typical day in her life.

"After returning home from the law firm I work for in Providence, I unload the dishwasher and load it again, get everyone ready for bed, make sure they all did their homework, and then I watch TV and I go to bed. That's what I do seven days a week."

But that really is just the tip of the iceberg of what Ms. Harlow and the others confront in their normal and often frantic daily routines. They hold down jobs, wrestle with child-care costs, and try to be good parents, by themselves, to their children.

"The hardest thing is job hunting," Ms. Harlow said. "You can't take second or third shifts because you've got kids."

Support in many ways

The group members help one another in ways both practical and emotional. "We try to help each other out with finding jobs and child care issues," Ms. Swanson said. "We help each other out, networking kind of stuff."

Child care costs and babysitting issues are always a problem for these parents. "It's so expensive for child care," Ms. Harlow said. Thus the parents in the meet-up group have decided to lend support in the form of child care as well. They regularly "babysit" for each other, even with last minute's notice.

"It [babysitting] was never even agreed upon. I guess it was just understood," said Ms. Harlow about the group's decision to watch over each other's children.

Ms. Swanson finds life a little bit easier since she founded the group. She referred to the other group members as shipmates. "In the Coast Guard you would do anything for the other shipmates and that's what we do here."

The East Bay Single Parents Meet-Up Group is seeking to expand and enlarge its membership. They are offering their services to any single parent in the East Bay who may be interested in becoming part of a support group. For more information and to contact the East Bay Single Parents Meet-Up Group about membership, log onto the info@meetup.com website and search for the group's information. Judy Swanson, the group instigator, can be contacted via the website.

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