The Journal News (NY)

Rockland moms group offers friendship, support

By HEMA EASLEY
THE JOURNAL NEWS

When Debbie Natoli's daughter was born this year, she found life as a stay-at-home mom more overwhelming than she had expected.

Natoli was new at raising a child — Jessica was her firstborn — and her parents and in-laws lived far away. The Natolis recently had moved to Nanuet and had no friends in the area who could give help, advice or emotional support.

"I was looking forward to being home, but I knew no one here," said Natoli, 29. "I was terrified of being home alone, isolated. It's kind of scary, with a baby."

Longing to connect with others like her, Natoli began browsing the Internet for support groups for young mothers.

On one such New Jersey site, she found Amy Dumas, 28, who was raised in Dallas and recently moved to Sleepy Hollow after living in Suffern for four years.

In March, the two women started the Rockland Mom's Meetup Group in the hope of attracting young mothers who were looking for friendship and support.

The initial group of just a handful has grown to 60 members who meet several times a month for play dates, holiday gatherings, to give and take advice, or just the chance to get out of the house.

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How to join
Mothers interested in joining the Rockland Mom's Meetup Group can register at the Web site www.moms.meetup.com/695/ for a $10 annual fee. The money goes to pay to maintain the group's Web site.
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"It's a great support for women with children," said Laurie Wetzel, 37, of Hillburn, whose daughter, Jansen, is 14 months old. "It gets you out there. You feel human. You need that adult interaction."

Rose Hamlet, a Manhattan attorney, decided to take a leave of absence when her son, Gavin, was born almost a year ago.

The decision transformed her life from that of a busy professional clamoring for spare time to a quiet homemaker in the sleepy hamlet of Fort Montgomery.

"Basically, from November, when he was born, to July, we didn't meet anyone. We stayed at home," said Hamlet, 29. "I went from litigation to this. He's not even a year, and I feel it's been forever."

Like most members, Hamlet heard of the Rockland Mom's Meetup Group through word of mouth and the Internet.

The women come looking for friendship, bonding and support from other young mothers going through similar life experiences.

Members typically are young mothers who have either quit work to look after their children or are working part time.

Dumas, for example, was a flight attendant in Dallas, and Wetzel worked as a dietitian's assistant.

Natoli was an art director for the publisher Random House before Jessica was born.

Many are first-time moms and are new to the area, making it much more important to them that they have a pool of friends who can make up for lack of family support.

Dumas was raised in Texas, and Natoli is from New Jersey. Others moved to the area from the Bronx, Long Island, Staten Island, Vermont and other Northeastern states.

Some, like Wetzel, have lived all their lives in Rockland, but their families moved away over the years.

The group's initial meeting "was like a blind date," Natoli said. "Then you start talking about the babies, and you're off."

The camaraderie was demonstrated at a recent gathering at the Palisades Center, where eight wo men brought their children for lunch and play dates near the Ferris wheel.

As a couple of moms ran after their toddlers, others in the group watched their babies in strollers.

Some fed others' children as the mothers chatted with one another.

"I love to feed a baby who will eat," said Wun-Ye Jiu, 34, of River Edge, N.J.

She was spooning puréed peaches into Jessica's mouth as Natoli watched from a nearby seat. Her own daughter, 10-month-old Courtney, is a fussy eater, Jiu said.

Hamlet, meanwhile, talked about the comparable prices of baby-food brands, such as Beech Nut, Gerber and Del Monte.

"Being part of the group helps," said Jiu, who was raised in New York City and moved to New Jersey a year ago. "You learn from others' experience. Older moms share their experience."

As the mothers are busy raising their families, the sharing and exchange happens on the group's online message board.

Members discuss holiday gatherings, swap cookie recipes, and set up play dates for their children and the possibility of buying, exchanging or giving away baby items they no longer need.

"I have coupons/checks for formula," a 24-year-old Valley Cottage mother wrote in a message posted last week. "Anyone who wants them, let me know. I hate to throw them out; some of them expire soon."

Some members point out they are a motley group of women who ostensibly don't have much in common.

They point to differences in regional, religious, educational and family backgrounds.

Yet, they feel their diversity also is their strength.

"It's really a random mix of people," Natoli said. "But where would I meet someone from Texas who was a flight attendant? Where else would I meet a doctor or a lawyer?"

Pleased with its success, the group is looking to expand its activities.

Natoli has suggested that the message board be used to sell, exchange or offer baby items to other members. Mothers also can advertise garage sales and home-based businesses.

The idea has met with an enthusiastic response.

"It's a nice way to form friendships, to bond," Wetzel said.

"It's also a nice time," Hamlet said, "to share."