They’re called board games, not bored games, people!

By Alia Akkam

If you mention making it a Milton Bradley night and your friends suddenly “remember” other commitments, it’s time you face the truth: Your board-game night is as boring as watching C-SPAN in slo-mo. But don’t despair just yet, pewter shoe (that’s what you always are, right?): Below are four ways to glamorize your gaming. Read on and then settle in for some hot Professor Plum–on–Colonel Mustard action.

Get out of the house

Instead of resorting to an online game of solitary Scrabble, find a whole new world filled with fellow game geeks via Meetup.com. Mark Lentz, a Jersey City resident who works in corporate multimedia and photography, often makes it into Manhattan to attend Meetup’s “Boardgames and Cardgames” group at Neutral Ground Gaming Room (122 W 26th St between Sixth and Seventh Aves, suite 4; 212-633-1288), where members experiment with new games each time they go, until they’re hooked on a favorite. “On the first three occasions, it seemed like the place was crammed full of freaks and geeks,” he says. “I lost my nerve and walked back out. It was only on my fourth visit that I made up my mind to find the board-game group, and when I did, they turned out to be really friendly and made me feel right at home.” As an alternative to wholesome American board games that skimp on strategy, Lentz recommends Euro games. “The beauty of the Euro games is they are ‘easy to learn, hard to master,’ but usually have enough luck in them that even first-time players can do well,” he says. A few popular ones to try: the Settlers of Catan, in which players attempt to build a civilization and dominate an island; and Ticket to Ride, in which shrewd tactical skills lead players to claim North American railway routes.

One word of warning, however, if you’re thinking of starting your own night: It’s often hard to find public spaces that will let you spend hours playing—one Catan player begged us not to mention her gang because she was afraid numbers would swell and she’d be kicked out of the local Cosi. For refuge ideas, see “Boarder patrol” below.

Whodunit?

If you can still rehash the plot of Nancy Drew’s The Sign of the Twisted Candles, chances are you’re single. Just kidding! We know you crave an opportunity to do a little sleuthing. Although hosting a murder-mystery night may sound like something dangerously akin to a Halloween episode of Benson, it’s bound to be a little more intriguing than what you’ll get out of Clue. First, purchase a mystery scenario online from a website like Murder Mystery Maniacs (host-a-murder.com; $8 per person), complete with character names and booklets that guide you through the drama. Choose from offerings like the sophisticated Speak Easy Scandal, in which a gangster gets offed, to a downright cheesy American Icon Murder Mystery, in which you’re trying to find out who killed mean judge “Simon Fowell.” Sure, these homegrown capers are contrived, but if you set the mood properly, making guests show up in flapper costumes and cranking the iPod to some George Gershwin…you’ll still be single. Kidding!

Child’s play

Since you probably had fun as a kid dropping disks into Connect Four’s grid and visiting Gumdrop Mountain in Candy Land, recapture those days of yore with an evening devoted to playing two or three nostalgic board games. Steve Karchin, co-owner of vintage-toy shrine

Alphaville (226 W Houston St between Sixth Ave and Varick St, 212-675-6850) in the West Village, stocks his shop with plenty of classics ($35–$45), including children’s favorite Chutes and Ladders, the mind-bending Kreskin’s ESP and one revolving around Hanna-Barbera cartoon icon Quick Draw McGraw. “Back in the day, families would actually gather around the table and play,” reflects Karchin (can you tell he runs a nostalgia store?). “Nowadays, it’s all about watching fast movies. I just hope we can find a healthy balance and that there’ll always be time for board games.” One way of preserving those Parker Brothers traditions is with designated board-game nights at local bars, such as Prospect Heights dive Freddy’s Bar & Backroom (485 Dean St between Flatbush and Sixth Aves, 718-622-7035). Here, the first Sunday evening of every month is devoted to titles like Life and Cranium.

Drinking games

Each time you’re jonesin’ for a PBR, of course you can take a break from keeping score and head to the fridge. But wouldn’t it be nicer if there were a freshly made cocktail at the ready? Turn ordinary Pictionary into an inviting open bar by hiring a bartender for a few hours. Luckily they don’t come at reception-hall prices through the Barnard Bartending Agency (212-854-4650, eclipse.barnard.columbia.edu/~bartend). In between history finals, these students from the tony liberal-arts school found the time to pass a comprehensive drinks examination. For only $20 an hour (alcohol not included), they’ll show off their mixing skills and serve your choice of more than 200 libations at your pad. “Hiring a bartender to make drinks for you allows you more concentration for your game plan,” says Katie Magiera, the agency’s assistant manager. “It doesn’t matter the game—everyone wins if there’s enough booze around.”